[Cue circus music] Step right up folks! American fashion has officially hit an all time low, ladies and gents. If you thought Crocs and the Ed Hardy logo were bad, get a load of this: Pajama jeans. Yes, you read that right. And no, I’m not referring to the current “boyfriend jean” trend. No, my fellow forward-thinking fashionistas. Sadly, we’re not talking about loose-fitting, artfully ripped and torn denim that you’ve been seeing on runways and hanging off of anorexic celebrities’ hip bones. We’re talkin’ straight up spandex and jersey masquerading as well-fitted designer label jeans, complete with high-contrast stitching (I sense a True Religion lawsuit coming on) and rivets “so they look like they were made by some European designer”. (Hey, is anyone else wondering when rivets became an outsourced fashion accessory?)
I mean let’s face it, if you’re gonna call a spade a spade, pajama jeans are really just the awkward cousin of another recent fashion faux pas also touted for its convenient marriage of comfort and style: denim leggings. A co-conspirator, if you ask me. As if American fashion doesn’t already have a bad rap. And just when Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs thought they had the upper hand too! (Actually, both American high fashion boy wonders revived European luxury brands so what does that tell you? Hey, maybe they can demystify the whole rivet controversy!)
Aside from its “sneaky” act of deception (seriously, you almost expect the women in these ads to turn around and wink at the camera, point with both hands and yell, “Gotcha!”), these jeans apparently boast a comfortable fit that mimics the feeling of pajamas. So you can run your errands in comfort AND style. “The best of both worlds”, the website says. Hmm. Kind of reminds you of Carls Jr.’s campaign for the six-dollar burger, doesn’t it? Trying to force upscale dining into the mold of fast food when at bottom, we all know we’re still eating Carl’s Jr. no matter how you spin it. And really, how gourmet is it to be wolfing down a burger with one hand while speeding perilously down the 405? Pajama jeans can mimic designer jeans all they want, but it’s a mediocre impression at best.
C'mon, everyone knows that part of what makes real jeans irresistible to a woman, makes them THE go-to casual-but-put -together outfit, is precisely what also makes them uncomfortable; the stiffness of the twill spun fabric which holds it all in -especially since real women have curves, right America Fererra? Taking away the very essence of denim itself seems almost emasculating, an act of sartorial castration if you will.
It’s an insatiable desire, wanting the best of both worlds. I mean, there are equally bizarre manifestations of such desire everywhere you look: North Korea wants to be both loved AND feared. Baptist missionaries in Haiti want to help AND kidnap. Is it too much to ask that we exercise a little more caution before combining two antithetical concepts into one “convenient” package? Or maybe it’s not caution that we lack, so much as a basic acceptance of the universal rules of fashion: no pain, no fashion statement. Deal with it ladies. If you wanna look good, you gotta pay your dues. Or you can pay $39.99 and get a free t-shirt with your order - hey at least that part of the outfit won't be ridiculed. Just don't tell anyone you got them by purchasing the Jeans for the Inordinately Lazy Dresser.
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